Sitting in the Barber Shop

Yesterday I took my oldest son (10 years old) in to get his hair cut, which was something I was dreading since I had an eighteen month old and a three month old in tow. Luckily I was able to leave the older of the two babies with my husband for this outing. I was in for a slightly different experience than expected.

The baby was sleeping quietly and there were two people ahead of us...an old man sitting in the barber's chair and a young man sitting in the waiting area. A TV was on in the corner and my favorite daytime show was just coming on (second to Oprah)...Dr. Phil. Today's episode was about giving your mate a makeover...it looked interesting since the subject was the husband getting the makeover.

Just then the white-haired man got up from the barber's chair and had a friendly exchange with the young man who followed. Evidently the old man had played ball with the young man's grandfather years ago. Niceties were exchanged. As the old man headed for the door, he turned in my direction and proceeded to join me seated in the waiting area. I'm not exactly sure how the conversation got started, but needless to say, I was not going to catch Dr. Phil that day.

The man commented on my baby and proceeded to share about the birth of his second child. The subject surfaced that he played baseball in his youth and that piqued my son's interest, since he's a pitcher in the local little league program. The man invited us to come visit sometime and he'd give us a few pitching pointers...he went on to give directions to his house.

Just then another elderly gentleman came in. The first asked how the other was doing and a little flurry of activity went on as the younger man left his barber chair and I ushered my son in to his place. When I went back to my chair, I was swept up in the old men's nostalgic conversations.

One shared about his brush with death years back when he had a heart attack and ended up in intensive care. The other followed with his deathbed experience resulting from an asthmatic condition that led him into the ICU. Yet both sat happily there exchanging their stories, grateful for every breath they took. It was refreshing to watch...two men in their golden years telling true life tales from their past.

The second man went on to discuss an experience of his in the Korean war and afterwards it was like something was lit inside of him. He mentioned how good it felt to retell that story...

By then my son was done with his haircut, so I grabbed my baby, paid the barber and said my goodbyes to the elderly folk. The white haired ballplayer re-extended the offer for us to visit as we exited the shop. Outside I turned to my son and said, "I don't know if he meant it, about us coming for a visit or if he was just being sociable." Maybe he did mean it. Maybe a chance to mingle with a new friend and share a bit from his past is what the fellow needed. Maybe that's why he spends his time sitting in the barber shop...telling stories.

You know, I just might pay him a visit this summer (and bring along a tape recorder). After all, I love hearing stories from the past.

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Have you read Viola Brady's memoir, Down Memory Lane? I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Dinner with Dad

Last week I went over to my Dad's for burgers on the grill. My Mom had to work and my oldest son had a friend sleeping over, so I left my husband with our two oldest children and I took my youngest (three months old) with me over to my Dad's. We sat out on the back porch and talked about various subjects. Remembering episodes from the past. Ideas for the future. Thoughts and concerns of the present. It was very enjoyable. And much needed...for the both of us, I imagine.

I have a pretty special relationship with my dad. I'm the oldest of three girls and probably the closest to him. We've worked together in the business world off and on for many years, so we share that in common. Also several years ago, he converted to Catholicism after being raised up and raising all of us in the Protestant Church. His concerns that led to his conversion are similar to mine so we share in that as well. And he enjoys writing. Maybe not in the same capacity as I do, but nonetheless we both enjoy communicating our thoughts that way.

When I was still living at home, we used to walk around the block in the evenings and we'd talk...more like, I talked while he huffed and puffed. I'd ride with him to business functions and we'd listen to motivational speakers on tape together and discuss our dreams and desires. We'd go out to eat a lot (since I can handle having chinese food almost as often as he does without getting sick of it) and again, we'd talk.

You see, my Dad's generally a thinker (and I'm a talker)...but I know the subjects he feels passionate about. And he knows mine. And usually, we can go on and on about them with one another for hours. Sometimes we do.

Lately I've been so swamped with projects, that I'm lucky to find time to sleep, let alone time to sit and relax outside of the stresses of my home. But this evening's interlude was a welcome interruption. Something I hope to repeat a little more often.

Do you have a family member or friend with whom you can share your common passions? Make a point to meet up with them this week...whether it be in person, over the phone or via email and discuss some of them. Sure, you're busy...we all are, but you too, will find connections like that to be welcome interruptions as well...I promise.

A Matter of Time

Why haven't you started your memoirs yet?

In a recent poll at MBM the number one answer for not doing so was "time". That doesn't really surprise me. After all, there seems to always be places to go, people to see, and things to do. How can we possibly add one more thing to our plate. I understand, I'm in the same boat myself.

What prompted me to start my memoirs was the desire to write. I enjoy writing. I know not everyone does, but I do. I had always wanted to write a book. So several years ago I set out to accomplish that task...attempting fiction first. That was a flop...I couldn't seem to tell a story without sounding so fake. So then I got the brilliant idea of writing fiction based on my life. That went better but still I didn't enjoy it much...my stories always seemed so cold. Then, I started thinking why must I limit myself to fiction, why not write fact? So that's what started me down my memoir lane.

What prompted me to start Memoirs By: Me is a whole other story.

Aunt Doris. She was the oldest of three and the only in her family who never married nor had children. But, she would tell stories about her family growing up. I especially loved to hear the ones that specifically included me, naturally. She had also done some research on her parents' ancestry, but I wasn't "into that" at the time. Now I wish I was.

A little over three years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and it was in the latter stages. She began chemotherapy treatment right away. That summer I made a point to come back east to spend more time with her (I was living in Oklahoma at the time). I saw her on just a few occasions and since the chemo was really hard on her (as I'm sure it is with all who undergo such extreme treatment), our visits were kept short and low-key. When the summer ended, I went back home with every intention of calling her to "interview" her to have her tell me those stories again...this time I wanted to record them.

But I didn't. Do you know why? Time. I didn't have the time. I had just started a new job, my son had gone back to school, I joined the Cub Scouts acting as a den mother to a group of first graders, and my house was going through major renovations. I was lucky to get dinner on the table and produce clean laundry each week, let alone have time to make long distance phone calls.

Then it happened...I received a call from my mother saying my Aunt Doris was fading fast. My first thought was "I have to come out there," but my mother said she wouldn't recognize me if I did. What? I knew she was weak and sick most of the time, but wouldn't recognize me? Then, it hit me...the stories...all those stories I wanted to capture from her life. They were all gone. She was still with us, but her memory was stripped away. How would her life be remembered?

She died shortly thereafter. All I have are a few momentos from her (letters and cards I kept over the years), but that's it. I can't remember all the stories she told, and now they're lost. Oh, how I cried. And still do on occasion. I loved her. I miss her.

It's all a matter of time. We can use it as an excuse to not start our memoirs...or we can use it as a reason to start. This was my reason to start my mission: telling you that your memories matter. Capture them now, while you can. I'll help you in any way I can. Don't let "time" be your excuse...let it be your reason to start. Go ahead and call your Aunt Doris or Sue-Sue or Donna (or whatever her name is) and strike up a conversation, revel in the past awhile, and then write it down. You'll be glad you did.

Why a Blog?

As indicated in a survey sent out to the members of MBM, a webblog was listed as a potential feature for the site. However, when asked how this feature rated on a personal scale of importance for each member, this feature ranked "not important" to the majority of those surveyed. I decided to go ahead and add it anyway. Here's why...

• The site is constantly being updated with new content...new stories, articles, tips, prompts & exercises, resources, products & services and other perks like contests and special events. Well, I needed a place to let people know "what's new". Currently we're offering a monthly newsletter specifically geared to sharing what's new, but there are so many things on the horizon, the newsletter would be too long if we waited to put all the goodies in one issue each month. And if we were to add the frequency of emails, not everyone would appreciate their inbox constantly full of "what's new" announcements. So...having a webblog provides a place for members to pop in to see "what's new" at their own leisure.
• Also, here you can discover behind-the-scenes information as to what goes on in my own memoir-writing projects, what I'm working on to improve the service provided at MBM, and personal recommendations I may not formally offer elsewhere on the site. And you can comment on what's written here and ask questions.
• We all need support and encouragement, and I'd like you to consider me your biggest cheerleader. Writing memoirs is a very personal endeavor, but it's also very rewarding...to you and your readers. I want to be a constant encouragement to you, but I don't want to nag. Sharing with you through this weblog will enable you to come and get a large dose of "you can do it"s whenever you want or need them. A sort of self-serve motivation.
• Finally, I want to build a relationship with you. This is a great way for you to get to know me, to see what kind of a person I am, what my values and philosophy on life are; to see that I'm a real person, and I sincerely believe your stories are worth sharing. The phrase, People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care, is so true. I care. I don't want your story to go untold, and it is my personal mission to help you tell your story.

Memoir Lane Newsletter

I've been thinking a lot lately about revamping our opt-in newsletter. Up until this past month, the Memoir Lane Newsletter has been distributed on a monthly basis, but recently I've thrown in some extra issues. Why? Because:

1. There has been so much going on, I can't wait a whole month to share all the goodies.
2. We all need a gentle reminder to keep working on our memoir projects more often than just once a month.
3. There are so many topics to discuss, squeezing them all into one issue each month is too much to swallow in one sitting.

So before proceeding any further, I decided to put out a survey asking my members what they wanted to see. There must have been something in particular that triggered them to join Memoirs By: Me by giving their email address, and I wanted to know what that something was.

And this is what I've discovered so far...

1. Our member base is quite diverse when it comes to age demographics and family status, which is exactly what I was going for in designing the site. I wanted to squelch the myth that writing memoirs was only reserved for seniors with children.
2. When asked to rate five future features on a level of importance to each member. Four out of the five features ranked equally as most important. That tells me four out of those five features need to be implemented to meet the needs and desires of our members! BUT not every feature is "most important" to every member.
3. "Time" was the greatest excuse for not starting their memoir-writing projects yet.
4. Every area mentioned in the survey when asked for favorite area was indicated except one, the "Submit your Story".
5. When asked how often they would like to see Memoir Lane published, 50% said monthly and 50% said more frequently (either weekly or twice a month).

So what does all this mean? Well, all the results are not in yet, but this is the direction I'm heading...

1. Working towards implementing those "four features" as soon as possible.
2. Addressing the "time" excuse head on.
3. Keeping the "Submit your Story" section because most people like the "Readers' Circle", and there wouldn't be a "Readers' Circle" if there wasn't a "Submit your Story" section. But begin seeking out ways to improve this area making it more appealing across the board.
4. Changing the frequency of issues and/or offering different subscriptions for different tastes.

That's where I'm at so far. What are your thoughts?

P.S. If you'd like to start receiving our monthly newsletter, consider joining Memoirs By: Me...it's free.

By the way, the fifth feature that was the least important to my members was a web blog, which is what you're reading now. I chose to launch this anyway because I don't think I was clear enough in explaining this as a feature. You can read what I had in mind with this blog in my next post, "Why a blog?".

Family Tree Software

I just recently came across a FREE family tree software program, and I'm so excited. I downloaded it right away and started using it immediately. I'm still a very new user, but so far I'm very happy with it. I've started so many family trees in my past, it's not funny. My problem lately has been having a central location for it. With this program, I know where it is at all times. Plus I can update it "neatly" by typing it into my computer rather than writing it on paper. I'm a neat freak.
Also, I'm working on the Family Tree Chapter Syllabus for our Memoirs By: Me Album, and I think this might be an excellent resource. I love finding and offering FREE resources!
This program is put out by FamilySearch.org, an affiliation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which I am not a member of...BUT the software program seems to work just fine and it's proven to be a great resource thus far. I'll let you know how it goes!

Welcome!

Today marks the beginning of my online journal for Memoirs By: Me. I had been contemplating doing something like this for quite a while, and now I'm finally getting my feet wet.

We'll see how it goes!